There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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