I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
