Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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