someone threw a dead crab at me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
