i dont even know how to be here
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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