after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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