I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
