i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
