He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
