I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
