He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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