i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
