You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm having to shit out rocks
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
