A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
