i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
