32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
