Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
