He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
