Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize