New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
