Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
