Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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