My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
