but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
