I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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