I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
