North Korea, Best Korea!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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