i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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