OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
