i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
