I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
