I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if only i could text you this smell
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
