now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
