Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
