he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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