I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
