What did we do last night that was yellow?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
