Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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