I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
