Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
