is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
