sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize