I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
