Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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