thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
