before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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