Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
