I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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