needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
