In the future we'll all be gay
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
