Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
