"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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