i wish starbucks made bloody marys
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
