What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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