smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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