you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
