You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
