ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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