i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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