NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
