I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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