I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
